Hello everyone!
Many of you don't know about my quotes. To read them you don't need to sign up or have an account. All 240 are listed at: http://twitter.com/#!/KnowComplaints
These inspirations are also now in a blog at: http://visit-knowcomplaints.blogspot.com/. It's an easy way to share all 67 of them.
Greetings,
As your complaining stories go away, one change that typically happens is you simply end up being more present. There's a lot less going on in your mind without you're inner critic's drama and all it's opinions. There's extra space in your awareness that allows you to focus more intensely on what arises in the present moment, which includes the sensations of your emotions.
If you're having a nice feeling it's more delicious and enjoyable, but if it's a difficult emotion it will also be experienced more deeply. You'll have a more intimate, intense and complete experience of every emotion but also have the skills to handle it. You can be experiencing overwhelming panic but simultaneously recognizes it as an exaggeration. This kind of clarity is a life changing advantage and potentially everyone can cultivate it.
Staying objective and willing to disregard a feeling in a moments notice, takes the threat and the usual impact of disturbing emotions away. If shame or embarrassment come along you can just step out of their way or just get curious about them. I thank my shadow for sharing, take a breath, immediately choose to love myself, and then either examine it or move on.
So in this process of becoming more conscious, your feelings become impressively stronger but you also have a greater ability to transcend, transmute and move past them more quickly. They can go as fast as they came, and you can remain peaceful and confident as you watch the whole process happen. You stay centered in your wisdom and maintain your emotional equanimity as you experience life more deeply.
This is all possible down the road as you develop enough comfort with discomfort (equanimity), and enough awareness to be mindful of whatever thoughts and feelings you have at any given time. Meditation is a great way to develop both of these skills and with this kind of presence every challenge becomes an opportunity to become more liberated from your negativity.
A formula from one of my teachers, Shinzen Young, is; " Take any situation, bring mindfulness and equanimity to it, and as a result you'll gain insight and purify the fabric of your consciousness. Love it!
Life + Mindfulness & Equanimity = Purification & Insight.
This is a great way to remember the elements of this practice.
My intent with this has been to give you insight into the possibilities and encourage you to keep trying to practice these ideas. This is just one more piece of the puzzle. If you can remember to bring mindfulness and equanimity to any moment it will already have changed it for the better.
Enjoy your weekend and I invite you to spend some time creating inner peace.
Best wishes to you,
Bryan
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To see the initial invite/oath click here:http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/newsletter.asp?article=8
bryanzerr copyright 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
The 66Th. Desperate and and happy at the same time.
Greetings,
It's been so crazy, but I'm amazed that one can feel so desperate and happy at the same time. I have always heard you can have happiness beyond circumstances but it never made sense. I couldn't grasp it because the old way that I used to get happy was about getting things, and the new happiness comes from being able to let everything go.
There seems to be different levels of happiness. There's a happiness dependent on how things are working out, and a happiness that depends on the fact that no matter how things are working out you remain grounded in trust, love, gratitude and sensible optimism. We're content and trusting because we're constantly mindful of the bigger view that gives us the ability to transcend our complaining mind's thoughts and feelings.
I never thought that it could be real or that this kind of happiness would feel as good as "getting something" like a relationship or a nice house. Life's pleasures and good fortunes are still highly appreciated but from a different place. You can enjoy them on a whole new level because you don't need things to go a certain way to make you happy. It would be nice, but there's a confidence you'll manage regardless, and you'll be able to find the beauty around you no matter what 's going down. Everything is more of a gift to be grateful for instead of something you "had to get" to feel good about your life.
The experience of being able to let go and dance lightly through all the egoic-shadow craziness that one is exposed to all day, is so much better and so much more valuable than anything material or circumstantial. In retrospect I'm not sure I really ever enjoyed many things in my life before. Pleasures were more of just a way to escape my craziness or find some kind of relief. I thought relief was a positive feeling but it's really just the absence of an uncomfortable one.
Now it feels like I can access a level of appreciation and gratitude that is almost overwhelming. It's not always there but it is more constant than ever, between and even behind the moments of consciously managing thought and feeling.
A dear friend of mine has just has just burst into the same experience and to talk about life with him sounds insane. We're giddy about how amazing everything is because when you're not fighting your mind, what's around you can be seen differently. Things appear more beautiful, fascinating and sacred.
His breakthrough has been fascinating to watch because it's like a part of him was gathering wisdom and gaining momentum without letting anyone in on it, including his own awareness, and then one day he just stepped out of his complaining, tortured self and said, "Wow I don't have to do this anymore." After years of listening and not really being able to respond to the wisdom he was hearing, he was suddenly released and it all made sense.
And the releases will continue with more levels of awareness, but once you taste the happiness that comes from no longer needing "anything" other than what you already have, you just want more freedom. The scales tip in the other direction and all of a sudden you feel the aliveness and joy that come from resting in what seems like a very natural state of acceptance. You've been reunited with your authentic self.
Please keep challenging your random thoughts and feelings. The release and freedom happen every time you recognize your negativity and walk away from it. Just because these programs are using your voice they're not the authentic you. As you expose the impostor of your complaining mind, your heart and wisdom become more available to you and a new kind of happiness and contentment just might fill your soul.
Best wishes for peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/knowcomplaints
It's been so crazy, but I'm amazed that one can feel so desperate and happy at the same time. I have always heard you can have happiness beyond circumstances but it never made sense. I couldn't grasp it because the old way that I used to get happy was about getting things, and the new happiness comes from being able to let everything go.
There seems to be different levels of happiness. There's a happiness dependent on how things are working out, and a happiness that depends on the fact that no matter how things are working out you remain grounded in trust, love, gratitude and sensible optimism. We're content and trusting because we're constantly mindful of the bigger view that gives us the ability to transcend our complaining mind's thoughts and feelings.
I never thought that it could be real or that this kind of happiness would feel as good as "getting something" like a relationship or a nice house. Life's pleasures and good fortunes are still highly appreciated but from a different place. You can enjoy them on a whole new level because you don't need things to go a certain way to make you happy. It would be nice, but there's a confidence you'll manage regardless, and you'll be able to find the beauty around you no matter what 's going down. Everything is more of a gift to be grateful for instead of something you "had to get" to feel good about your life.
The experience of being able to let go and dance lightly through all the egoic-shadow craziness that one is exposed to all day, is so much better and so much more valuable than anything material or circumstantial. In retrospect I'm not sure I really ever enjoyed many things in my life before. Pleasures were more of just a way to escape my craziness or find some kind of relief. I thought relief was a positive feeling but it's really just the absence of an uncomfortable one.
Now it feels like I can access a level of appreciation and gratitude that is almost overwhelming. It's not always there but it is more constant than ever, between and even behind the moments of consciously managing thought and feeling.
A dear friend of mine has just has just burst into the same experience and to talk about life with him sounds insane. We're giddy about how amazing everything is because when you're not fighting your mind, what's around you can be seen differently. Things appear more beautiful, fascinating and sacred.
His breakthrough has been fascinating to watch because it's like a part of him was gathering wisdom and gaining momentum without letting anyone in on it, including his own awareness, and then one day he just stepped out of his complaining, tortured self and said, "Wow I don't have to do this anymore." After years of listening and not really being able to respond to the wisdom he was hearing, he was suddenly released and it all made sense.
And the releases will continue with more levels of awareness, but once you taste the happiness that comes from no longer needing "anything" other than what you already have, you just want more freedom. The scales tip in the other direction and all of a sudden you feel the aliveness and joy that come from resting in what seems like a very natural state of acceptance. You've been reunited with your authentic self.
Please keep challenging your random thoughts and feelings. The release and freedom happen every time you recognize your negativity and walk away from it. Just because these programs are using your voice they're not the authentic you. As you expose the impostor of your complaining mind, your heart and wisdom become more available to you and a new kind of happiness and contentment just might fill your soul.
Best wishes for peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/knowcomplaints
Monday, July 25, 2011
The 65Th. More quotes.
Greetings,
More inspirations on the way!
I actually heard a random stranger in a parking lot tell someone on the phone that what he was hearing was just a story. We're waking up!
Why the universe exists is interesting but the biggest mystery is why we can't find peace and happiness when we have so much to grateful for
If someone makes a mistake, it doesn't mean they don't care. No matter how much we love someone it's just impossible to always get it right.
Your thoughts really aren't the problem. True peace and healing comes when you can just watch them and not really care too much about them. Rest in your wisdom.
If you really want trust with someone let them know you aren't going to punish or blame them if they screw up and that you can be forgiving.
Very often we don't have enough information about how and what another person is thinking or feeling, but we believe our reactions anyway.
What's wrong with this moment might be that you're making it wrong. What if you just opened up to see what else the situation has to offer?
If you're complaining just remember that if this moment wasn't happening this way the next one wouldn't either, and it might be a miracle.
We really need to remember not to take ourselves so seriously. Thank God we're finally laughing at our crazy minds. We're finally waking up.
You're not approving of anything when you let go of your complaints, you're just meeting what's in front of you with a sane perspective.
Acceptance, letting go, giving in, equanimity, allowing, releasing, relaxing, surrender, peace. These are what give us power to make change.
Peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
More inspirations on the way!
I actually heard a random stranger in a parking lot tell someone on the phone that what he was hearing was just a story. We're waking up!
Why the universe exists is interesting but the biggest mystery is why we can't find peace and happiness when we have so much to grateful for
If someone makes a mistake, it doesn't mean they don't care. No matter how much we love someone it's just impossible to always get it right.
Your thoughts really aren't the problem. True peace and healing comes when you can just watch them and not really care too much about them. Rest in your wisdom.
If you really want trust with someone let them know you aren't going to punish or blame them if they screw up and that you can be forgiving.
Very often we don't have enough information about how and what another person is thinking or feeling, but we believe our reactions anyway.
What's wrong with this moment might be that you're making it wrong. What if you just opened up to see what else the situation has to offer?
If you're complaining just remember that if this moment wasn't happening this way the next one wouldn't either, and it might be a miracle.
We really need to remember not to take ourselves so seriously. Thank God we're finally laughing at our crazy minds. We're finally waking up.
You're not approving of anything when you let go of your complaints, you're just meeting what's in front of you with a sane perspective.
Acceptance, letting go, giving in, equanimity, allowing, releasing, relaxing, surrender, peace. These are what give us power to make change.
Peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/knowcomplaints
Bryanzerr copyright 2011
The 64Th. More quotes.
Greetings,
A few thoughts from the week;
You're not approving of anything when you let go of your complaints, your just meeting what's in front of you with a sane perspective.
Acceptance, letting go, giving in, equanimity, allowing, releasing, relaxing, surrender, peace. These are what give us power to make change.
A sweet surrender comes from having a healthy relationship with your "wanting". You just stay open, and see if life has a better suggestion.
You're good enough. He's good enough, She's good enough, it's good enough and so is this moment. "Good enough" is the essence of acceptance. If it isn't good enough, then change it, but accept it in the meantime.
Find a place to sit and do nothing. Breathe. See what's happening inside and get some space around your stories. Life's a lot better without most of them.
Liberation is when the light of your awareness shows you that all your negativity is a misunderstanding, and you never, ever forget it.
If you do think about the future, make up something that feels good. Our stories rarely turn out true, so why not assume something positive?
There's hardly anything more satisfying than offering people your presence without any judgment. When your complaining mind stops you shine.
This experience is phenomenal if you're not trying to get it to do what you want. Just watch. Isn't it amazing that all this is happening?
Peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
A few thoughts from the week;
You're not approving of anything when you let go of your complaints, your just meeting what's in front of you with a sane perspective.
Acceptance, letting go, giving in, equanimity, allowing, releasing, relaxing, surrender, peace. These are what give us power to make change.
A sweet surrender comes from having a healthy relationship with your "wanting". You just stay open, and see if life has a better suggestion.
You're good enough. He's good enough, She's good enough, it's good enough and so is this moment. "Good enough" is the essence of acceptance. If it isn't good enough, then change it, but accept it in the meantime.
Find a place to sit and do nothing. Breathe. See what's happening inside and get some space around your stories. Life's a lot better without most of them.
Liberation is when the light of your awareness shows you that all your negativity is a misunderstanding, and you never, ever forget it.
If you do think about the future, make up something that feels good. Our stories rarely turn out true, so why not assume something positive?
There's hardly anything more satisfying than offering people your presence without any judgment. When your complaining mind stops you shine.
This experience is phenomenal if you're not trying to get it to do what you want. Just watch. Isn't it amazing that all this is happening?
Peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/knowcomplaints
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The 63rd. The mystery and potential of waking up.
Greetings,
Here we are in the second stage of KnowComplaints. It's been six months and I'm wondering how everyone is doing? Please feel free to share if you haven't already. Personally it has been the best one of the best experiences of my life. Thank you for your attention and encouragement.
People who don't know me, ask me why I am spending all this time on a project that isn't designed or intended to make money. I can't seem to successfully convince people how good it feels to do service, and how meaningful it is to support people in finding freedom.
I'm happy to say there's been lots of progress for many people and even profound breakthroughs. To me there's hardly anything more rewarding than to see someone deeply realize they've been at the mercy of the complaining mind their whole life. When we see we're not our shadows or our negative thoughts and emotions, this is the turning point where all the confusion gets cleared up. The release from the guilt, shame and overall critical craziness, is the moment when life becomes worth living for many people.
What it takes to get there is a mystery. I've known people who for years that seemed to make no progress and then just one day it all makes sense. Others make slow steady progress, and others have dramatic swings from amazing freedom, to deep self-loathing and back again until they stabilize. The bottom line is once you see this truth and commit to disbelieving your shadow, you just have to keep practicing until your awareness of this truth is constant and the mystery releases you.
I do this because the reward of potentially offering someone a new life is so meaningful. To watch someone free him or herself from self-hate and be reborn is ecstatic. For me life has boiled down to two things: Play and service and they don't exclude each other. My goal is to fully appreciate and enjoy the gifts of this world, and be a positive force in creating the highest potential for myself and everyone else here.
Things get simple and clear when you're no longer spending all your waking hours looking to satisfy the ego's needs for control, security and approval. All those conversations you have to have with yourself to feel better, don't have to happen any more because you're no longer complicating life with all those stories. You can rest and exist in a place of love and trust, and when you do; there is a clarity about how to meet each moment that just lets you relax, play, and care for others.
So thank you for helping me find my voice, and with deep gratitude and appreciation these inspirations will continue. And I send a sincere apologies to my dear friends who I am not reaching out to as much as this journey unfolds. Thank you for your love, patience and support.
If you'd like to share KnowComplaints as a part of your service to others; the inspirations, tweets, etc. are now available for viewing all in one place at: http://visit-knowcomplaints.blogspot.com/
Wishes for peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Here we are in the second stage of KnowComplaints. It's been six months and I'm wondering how everyone is doing? Please feel free to share if you haven't already. Personally it has been the best one of the best experiences of my life. Thank you for your attention and encouragement.
People who don't know me, ask me why I am spending all this time on a project that isn't designed or intended to make money. I can't seem to successfully convince people how good it feels to do service, and how meaningful it is to support people in finding freedom.
I'm happy to say there's been lots of progress for many people and even profound breakthroughs. To me there's hardly anything more rewarding than to see someone deeply realize they've been at the mercy of the complaining mind their whole life. When we see we're not our shadows or our negative thoughts and emotions, this is the turning point where all the confusion gets cleared up. The release from the guilt, shame and overall critical craziness, is the moment when life becomes worth living for many people.
What it takes to get there is a mystery. I've known people who for years that seemed to make no progress and then just one day it all makes sense. Others make slow steady progress, and others have dramatic swings from amazing freedom, to deep self-loathing and back again until they stabilize. The bottom line is once you see this truth and commit to disbelieving your shadow, you just have to keep practicing until your awareness of this truth is constant and the mystery releases you.
I do this because the reward of potentially offering someone a new life is so meaningful. To watch someone free him or herself from self-hate and be reborn is ecstatic. For me life has boiled down to two things: Play and service and they don't exclude each other. My goal is to fully appreciate and enjoy the gifts of this world, and be a positive force in creating the highest potential for myself and everyone else here.
Things get simple and clear when you're no longer spending all your waking hours looking to satisfy the ego's needs for control, security and approval. All those conversations you have to have with yourself to feel better, don't have to happen any more because you're no longer complicating life with all those stories. You can rest and exist in a place of love and trust, and when you do; there is a clarity about how to meet each moment that just lets you relax, play, and care for others.
So thank you for helping me find my voice, and with deep gratitude and appreciation these inspirations will continue. And I send a sincere apologies to my dear friends who I am not reaching out to as much as this journey unfolds. Thank you for your love, patience and support.
If you'd like to share KnowComplaints as a part of your service to others; the inspirations, tweets, etc. are now available for viewing all in one place at: http://visit-knowcomplaints.blogspot.com/
Wishes for peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/knowcomplaints
Bryanzerr copyright 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The 62nd. Quotes
Greetings!
Thoughts from the week:
My dog thinks everything that moves is alive. She doesn't realize that wind can push things around. It must feel very crowded on windy days.
Meditation can get you comfortable "enough" with all the feelings you've ever had related to all you've ever experienced. That's equanimity.
Imagine you're doing everything for the first time and let go of old impressions. If you're present and curious a whole new view is possible.
I recently discovered I had driven by a 7 ft. plaster rooster almost twice a day for 5 years without seeing it before. That's an eye opener! What are you missing?
When we're impatient, we're "everywhere" else but here. Stop waiting. Be present and respect the mystery of the moment. Look for the gift.
Your can either meet the moment consciously, aware, and mindful, or live in the trance of being pushed around by your thoughts and feelings.
Allow your wisdom to be critical and judgmental. "Really". It's how we make decisions! Just don't disrespect what you don't like or want.
Freedom is being able to respond to others and yourself with wisdom, compassion, & loving-kindness no matter what feelings want to stop you.
Just assume everyone has a crazy shadow that can overtake them and make them do things you're not going to like. It makes it less personal.
Try just moving through the day without an opinion about anything. Try it for just one minute. Do you see how much of life is in your head?
Wishing you a mindful weekend. I invite you to consider meditating this weekend?
To view meditation instructions:http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/newsletter.asp?article=27
Peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Thoughts from the week:
My dog thinks everything that moves is alive. She doesn't realize that wind can push things around. It must feel very crowded on windy days.
Meditation can get you comfortable "enough" with all the feelings you've ever had related to all you've ever experienced. That's equanimity.
Imagine you're doing everything for the first time and let go of old impressions. If you're present and curious a whole new view is possible.
I recently discovered I had driven by a 7 ft. plaster rooster almost twice a day for 5 years without seeing it before. That's an eye opener! What are you missing?
When we're impatient, we're "everywhere" else but here. Stop waiting. Be present and respect the mystery of the moment. Look for the gift.
Your can either meet the moment consciously, aware, and mindful, or live in the trance of being pushed around by your thoughts and feelings.
Allow your wisdom to be critical and judgmental. "Really". It's how we make decisions! Just don't disrespect what you don't like or want.
Freedom is being able to respond to others and yourself with wisdom, compassion, & loving-kindness no matter what feelings want to stop you.
Just assume everyone has a crazy shadow that can overtake them and make them do things you're not going to like. It makes it less personal.
Try just moving through the day without an opinion about anything. Try it for just one minute. Do you see how much of life is in your head?
Wishing you a mindful weekend. I invite you to consider meditating this weekend?
To view meditation instructions:http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/newsletter.asp?article=27
Peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/knowcomplaints
The 61st. Practicing with thorns and other people's complaining minds.
Greetings,
Well at least I was stuck by a thorn last week and not by my complaining mind. It would've been so much worse! The event was a gift, because it was yet another perfect teacher and opportunity to practice emotional composure, (equanimity), and working with my mind. I was actually excited about the challenge and took it on consciously.
I was doing great with it until I found myself talking to other people and having to explain myself. I didn't mind sharing the main event but everyone wanted the details. What works for me would be a quick moment of deep compassion, concern and empathy, then maybe some laughter and let's move on... but that wasn't what was happening.
If you want to see how someone's complaining mind works, give them something to complain about. Better yet make it "your" issue and see how their shadow will take it and run. I'm learning to be very careful about expressing what's going on in my life because other people suffer over it more than I do. I don't want them to experience it as if it happened to them, which is what happens as they imagine it, and I personally don't want to get sucked into the drama. What it really feels like is I don't want to get bludgeoned by my own fear.
When other people get upset like we could have, we relate. We evoke fear in each other as we express our own and this pattern keeps us stuck. We do this to each other unconsciously all the time, and if we're aware of it we can change it.
I've also learned not to try and talk people out of "your" suffering. Trying to convince them your peaceful in an uncomfortable time is often too big of a conversation for the moment. I find it best to just agree it's tough, say something reassuring, and then try to change the subject. If that works, great: but normally it doesn't. I like to count how many times someone will try to take me back to my suffering and not let me change the subject.
A helpful remedy at this point is to ask how they're doing personally? How are they handling the situation? What can you do for them? This brings both of you back to moment and into support, instead of focusing on the circumstances. I think deep inside people want to be seen with your presence rather than have their stories heard.
Just a note: I find it fascinating, that this is the same strategy I would suggest using with yourself when your own tragedy arises. Don't fuel your "own" stories and offer yourself comfort and compassion instead.
Last week was a great opportunity for me to practice all of this:
I knew the chance of an infection was high, but I wasn't going into fearful or complaining places about it. I wasn't "waiting" in fear. I was staying present and curious. The words of Ekhardt Tolle reminded me, "There's no such thing as waiting if you're in the present moment." All was going really well until my friend called, or shall I say her complaining mind called. LOL.
She started with "How's your foot?" and within seconds she was telling me I might lose it! Then she feverishly launched into this story about her friend who stepped on a nail, and if he had been to the doctor an hour later, blah, blah, blah...
I felt like I was drowning and I finally just I screamed out, "STOP!" There was a moment of silence then I said, "Can you please just take me to a happy place?" We both rolled in laughter as she once again saw her silly complaining minds pattern.
I invite you to challenge yourself to watch how you lead conversations, and watch others as well. If you notice either of you are going down that old fearful road, practice bringing everyone back to a more peaceful and positive attitude. Focus on positive possibilities. "Take us to a happy place."
Peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Well at least I was stuck by a thorn last week and not by my complaining mind. It would've been so much worse! The event was a gift, because it was yet another perfect teacher and opportunity to practice emotional composure, (equanimity), and working with my mind. I was actually excited about the challenge and took it on consciously.
I was doing great with it until I found myself talking to other people and having to explain myself. I didn't mind sharing the main event but everyone wanted the details. What works for me would be a quick moment of deep compassion, concern and empathy, then maybe some laughter and let's move on... but that wasn't what was happening.
If you want to see how someone's complaining mind works, give them something to complain about. Better yet make it "your" issue and see how their shadow will take it and run. I'm learning to be very careful about expressing what's going on in my life because other people suffer over it more than I do. I don't want them to experience it as if it happened to them, which is what happens as they imagine it, and I personally don't want to get sucked into the drama. What it really feels like is I don't want to get bludgeoned by my own fear.
When other people get upset like we could have, we relate. We evoke fear in each other as we express our own and this pattern keeps us stuck. We do this to each other unconsciously all the time, and if we're aware of it we can change it.
I've also learned not to try and talk people out of "your" suffering. Trying to convince them your peaceful in an uncomfortable time is often too big of a conversation for the moment. I find it best to just agree it's tough, say something reassuring, and then try to change the subject. If that works, great: but normally it doesn't. I like to count how many times someone will try to take me back to my suffering and not let me change the subject.
A helpful remedy at this point is to ask how they're doing personally? How are they handling the situation? What can you do for them? This brings both of you back to moment and into support, instead of focusing on the circumstances. I think deep inside people want to be seen with your presence rather than have their stories heard.
Just a note: I find it fascinating, that this is the same strategy I would suggest using with yourself when your own tragedy arises. Don't fuel your "own" stories and offer yourself comfort and compassion instead.
Last week was a great opportunity for me to practice all of this:
I knew the chance of an infection was high, but I wasn't going into fearful or complaining places about it. I wasn't "waiting" in fear. I was staying present and curious. The words of Ekhardt Tolle reminded me, "There's no such thing as waiting if you're in the present moment." All was going really well until my friend called, or shall I say her complaining mind called. LOL.
She started with "How's your foot?" and within seconds she was telling me I might lose it! Then she feverishly launched into this story about her friend who stepped on a nail, and if he had been to the doctor an hour later, blah, blah, blah...
I felt like I was drowning and I finally just I screamed out, "STOP!" There was a moment of silence then I said, "Can you please just take me to a happy place?" We both rolled in laughter as she once again saw her silly complaining minds pattern.
I invite you to challenge yourself to watch how you lead conversations, and watch others as well. If you notice either of you are going down that old fearful road, practice bringing everyone back to a more peaceful and positive attitude. Focus on positive possibilities. "Take us to a happy place."
Peace to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/knowcomplaints
Bryanzerr copyright 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
The 60Th Inspiration. Quotes.
Greetings,
To be clear about the last inspiration... I was ending my tragic love affair with the "Bougainvillea", not the neighbor! Thank you Steve.:) My neighbor is wonderful, and the hospital story I will save for another day. All is good enough!
A few things to consider:
If your complaining mind is making up negative stories, you can replace them, ignore them, or stop them if you have enough presence.
We aren't a reliable source when it comes to why people do things. Ask if you need to know why, and be kind if your going to make it up.
Try to breathe through your complaints. The attention on your breath interrupts your story just long enough for you to step in and let go.
Once you stop punishing yourself for making mistakes, the trick is to get everyone else to go along with the program. We deserve forgiveness.
It seems counter intuitive, but how a feeling feels is actually beside the point. What's important is whether or not it makes sense.
If you're caught in stress, ask yourself, "What's wrong with this moment, aside from any fear I have about the future?" Possibly not much. Relax.
Your inner complaining critic is just an old defensive program that gets expressed using YOUR voice and personality. You aren't the problem.
Peace and presence to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
To be clear about the last inspiration... I was ending my tragic love affair with the "Bougainvillea", not the neighbor! Thank you Steve.:) My neighbor is wonderful, and the hospital story I will save for another day. All is good enough!
A few things to consider:
If your complaining mind is making up negative stories, you can replace them, ignore them, or stop them if you have enough presence.
We aren't a reliable source when it comes to why people do things. Ask if you need to know why, and be kind if your going to make it up.
Try to breathe through your complaints. The attention on your breath interrupts your story just long enough for you to step in and let go.
Once you stop punishing yourself for making mistakes, the trick is to get everyone else to go along with the program. We deserve forgiveness.
It seems counter intuitive, but how a feeling feels is actually beside the point. What's important is whether or not it makes sense.
If you're caught in stress, ask yourself, "What's wrong with this moment, aside from any fear I have about the future?" Possibly not much. Relax.
Your inner complaining critic is just an old defensive program that gets expressed using YOUR voice and personality. You aren't the problem.
Peace and presence to you,
Bryan
To view past inspirations or sign up to receive them;
click here: http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/knowcomplaints
Bryanzerr copyright 2011
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