Greetings,
It's been so crazy, but I'm amazed that one can feel so desperate and happy at the same time. I have always heard you can have happiness beyond circumstances but it never made sense. I couldn't grasp it because the old way that I used to get happy was about getting things, and the new happiness comes from being able to let everything go.
There seems to be different levels of happiness. There's a happiness dependent on how things are working out, and a happiness that depends on the fact that no matter how things are working out you remain grounded in trust, love, gratitude and sensible optimism. We're content and trusting because we're constantly mindful of the bigger view that gives us the ability to transcend our complaining mind's thoughts and feelings.
I never thought that it could be real or that this kind of happiness would feel as good as "getting something" like a relationship or a nice house. Life's pleasures and good fortunes are still highly appreciated but from a different place. You can enjoy them on a whole new level because you don't need things to go a certain way to make you happy. It would be nice, but there's a confidence you'll manage regardless, and you'll be able to find the beauty around you no matter what 's going down. Everything is more of a gift to be grateful for instead of something you "had to get" to feel good about your life.
The experience of being able to let go and dance lightly through all the egoic-shadow craziness that one is exposed to all day, is so much better and so much more valuable than anything material or circumstantial. In retrospect I'm not sure I really ever enjoyed many things in my life before. Pleasures were more of just a way to escape my craziness or find some kind of relief. I thought relief was a positive feeling but it's really just the absence of an uncomfortable one.
Now it feels like I can access a level of appreciation and gratitude that is almost overwhelming. It's not always there but it is more constant than ever, between and even behind the moments of consciously managing thought and feeling.
A dear friend of mine has just has just burst into the same experience and to talk about life with him sounds insane. We're giddy about how amazing everything is because when you're not fighting your mind, what's around you can be seen differently. Things appear more beautiful, fascinating and sacred.
His breakthrough has been fascinating to watch because it's like a part of him was gathering wisdom and gaining momentum without letting anyone in on it, including his own awareness, and then one day he just stepped out of his complaining, tortured self and said, "Wow I don't have to do this anymore." After years of listening and not really being able to respond to the wisdom he was hearing, he was suddenly released and it all made sense.
And the releases will continue with more levels of awareness, but once you taste the happiness that comes from no longer needing "anything" other than what you already have, you just want more freedom. The scales tip in the other direction and all of a sudden you feel the aliveness and joy that come from resting in what seems like a very natural state of acceptance. You've been reunited with your authentic self.
Please keep challenging your random thoughts and feelings. The release and freedom happen every time you recognize your negativity and walk away from it. Just because these programs are using your voice they're not the authentic you. As you expose the impostor of your complaining mind, your heart and wisdom become more available to you and a new kind of happiness and contentment just might fill your soul.
Best wishes for peace to you,
Bryan
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