The 59h. What if you were in love with every moment?

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Greetings,

What if you could face the world as if you were "in love"? What if you treated the moment in front of you as if it were something you cherished? What if you were in love with yourself all the time, no matter what?

When we're in the first throws of love, an uplifting and liberating shift happens that resembles the freedom we're after. Romantic bliss can make you almost illogically accepting of every joy, pain, fear, feeling, thought, person, and every moment of the day. You can't help but see the positive possibilities in every situation and feel a heightened sense of courage and confidence.

The last time I was in love I remember saying to myself, "Dear God, Please let me feel this way when I'm single. If only I could feel this way all the time!". When the chemistry of love strikes, I think we're more in love with who we are when we're with them, than the other person.

Besides, when you first meet someone it really isn't about them, right? Most of the experience in the beginning is fantasy and projection, yet it's so cathartic and powerful. I have a great card I made and on the front of it, it says, "You are the love of my life", and then when you open it up it says, "Because I don't know you yet and I can still make it all up."

So if we really do make it up when we get triggered by another, then we really don't need anyone else to feel this way, right? lol.

The point is, that when love happens a brilliant self-view occurs. Our unconscious is conditioned to give love powerful meaning. It means things like; I'm loved, accepted, attractive, worthy, valuable etc. The truths that release us from our self-doubt and we need to remember these all the time. When our complaining programs quiet because of our new romance we see them so easily.
A romantic idealism kicks in that lubricates your whole experience. We feel rewarded and aligned with life. Things are easier, more tolerable, and you find yourself sliding past the your complaints as you feel more compassionate and allowing. There is also a certain cherishing quality to falling in love that lets us extend ourselves more generously. We take the extra step, give more attention and show up more fully.

All of this, and the happiness that goes with it are what we are striving to experience on a daily basis. It's a perfect metaphor. So let's imagine it and use it as a practice.

Yesterday I had an opportunity to spontaneously try this on. There is an example below, but here are the steps:

1) Approach the situation as if you feel like everything is right with the world. What would you do if you were optimistic, powerful, compassionate and generous?

2) Look at the situation and people involved as if you cherish them and love them immensely. What are your choices now? How can you support them?

3) Let your self-doubts go. Imagine yourself with the confidence and trust you need to take the step in front of you.

4) Imagine you will still be loved by yourself and others no matter what happens next.

Yesterday my chance to try this out for myself. There is a side of my house that has needed raking for a while, and I avoid it because it means I have to trim a few small Bougainvillea Vines. If you don't know these plants, these vines are beautiful but tragic. They have these gorgeous, vibrant, pink paper-like leaves as flowers and the branches have the most deadly 1/2" to 1" thorns you've ever seen. They look like rose thorns on steroids.

I was already hot and tired, but I found myself jump right in and start raking. It was going quite well until the first thorn attacked. Right through my glove and into the tip of my thumb. Ouch! Pain!

I took a breath, and actually got through the moment without much story about how this shouldn't have happened. That's my usual approach, but then I also remembered this practice. Opportunities open up when you stop your stories. I was thrilled to have this chance to try "feeling in love" so spontaneously.

So here I was; in pretty bad pain, HOT, exhausted, intensely dirty and sweaty, when I asked myself, "What If I were in love with this moment?"

My first reaction to myself was literally, "shut the #!&!$% up", and then I just breathed. When the thought looped back around the second time I caught it with more composure. What happened was profound and interesting;

I found myself first of all realizing that I wasn't present. I was just trying to get through a messy, uncomfortable task. If I were in love with it, I would want to relish each moment. I didn't take it "that" far, but I did settle in. I also realized I probably wouldn't have been attacked by the thorn, if I had been more present and more mindfully approaching it.

I was getting the debris raked up but I wasn't really caring for it the way I would. I remember spending 20 minutes just making sure a romantic phone message was perfect. Now I could see it differently, and I not only removed the debris but made sure the rake lines left in the gravel were stylish.

And now that I was more relaxed and into this, I thought I should call my neighbor and tell her that I made more work for her gardeners with my leaves. I wanted to warn her because I thought she never would see it, but as it turns out she looks at this side yard through a window constantly and I had no idea. I didn't realize that the mountains are behind me when she looks in my direction, and it meant she was going to get a lot of joy out of my effort.

I felt more compassionate toward the plants and was hating them less for causing me pain. I was making peace with the Bougainvillea and admiring the beautiful flowers and even the thorns. And even though I was hurting, it was all feeling really good until...

I backed up onto one of those perfect creations of God, and it went right up through my shoe and into my #$@%^& foot! Or is it the #$@&%^ creation of God, went into my foot!

At this point, being in love with this amount of pain seemed ludicrous and I just walked away. Comically similar to a relationship I remember.

So here is sit, immobilized by my situation as my extremely painful foot is trying to mock my attempts at love. But I keep trying to let my complaints go and I'm feeling pretty peaceful.

At the same time, even though we can take difficult situations and turn them into teachers, sometimes these people or things aren't who or what we want to repeat. HIV has been a wild ride and an impressive teacher, but I would have chosen something a little threatening and more fun. I am feeling the same way about the Bougainvillea.

So I tried to break the news gently. I'm not sure she took it very well, but I tried to explain it's not about either of us personally; It's about how we connect that isn't working for me. lol. I walked away richer for the experience, but I don't plan to ever cut another bougainvillea again if I can help it!

Peace to you,

Bryan

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The 58Th. Points to Ponder.

Greetings,

More points to ponder:

A negative possibility would only create one moment of fear if the complaining mind didn't repeat the idea over and over again.

It's more important for me to know who I'm not, rather than who I am. I know I'm not my complaining mind. Thank God I'm not that neurotic.

You don't have to like what’s happening, but something good does comes from everything in some corner of the universe.

It's delusional to just make something up and then believe it. We're doing this every time we think our opinions reflect the truth.

If you don’t know what happens next you can't really know that this moment shouldn't be happening.

If you save a complaint for later it might never exist.

If you don't think you can meditate you might not know the practice. Who can't notice a thought, allow it, release it and then look again?

We need to allow each others' shadows without taking them so personally, and stop condemning everyone else's like we don't have one.

If you're not really listening to someone you end up in relationship with your imagination.

I wish you could feel what meditation practice can do. What if you could stop thinking of something when you wanted to? You might love it.

Positive thoughts are fun but they're only needed when you're counteracting the compulsive negative ones. It's actually nicer to just "be".

At some point your response to your inner critic will be an automatic, skillful and wise reply. It will be so natural you can just relax.

What if you could approach life as if you were "In love" with it? When we're in love, anything seems possible and we cherish who were with.

It's time to consciously re-train ourselves. We have to inspire a compassionate imagination and re-convince ourselves we all deserve it.

When you really see that we all have a negative part of us that we need to manage but don't need to be ashamed of, we can drop our judgment.

Peace to you.
Bryan
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The 57Th. More Tweachings.

Greetings,
Quotes for the week:

Positive thoughts are fun but they're only needed when you're counteracting the compulsive negative ones. It's actually nicer to just "be".

What if you could approach life as if you were "In love" with it? When we're in love, anything seems possible and we cherish who we're with.

It's time to consciously re-train ourselves. We have to inspire a compassionate imagination and re-convince ourselves we all deserve it.

I wish you could feel what meditation practice can do. What if you could stop thinking of something when you wanted to? You might love it.
When you really see that we all have a negative part of us that we need to manage but don't need to be ashamed of, we can drop our judgment.

Don't let the complaining mind put everything together under the heading of "how the day didn't go your way". Many things did if you look.

Remaining peaceful always makes sense, so we could just start choosing it more often instead of having to prove it to ourselves all the time.
At some point your response to your inner critic will be an automatic, skillful and wise reply. It will be so natural you can just relax.
Peace to you,
Bryan
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The 56TH. How we are victims to our aggression.

Greetings,

This kind of synchronicity is powerful...

I have a story to share from the last couple days. The last inspirations have been about trust, compassion, and tolerance for others mistakes. What happened this week was a fascinating teaching for me around compassion.

I was driving down Palm Canyon when I saw a young woman in blue Chevy Vega, stop abruptly to avoid hitting a bicycler. The rider was moving pretty quickly, and he suddenly dropped off the curb to cross the street in front of her as she was turning. She almost hit him but did stop just in time.

I could tell by the jerkiness of his movements that the bicycler's condemning and complaining mind was about to unleash. Within seconds he was battering her with racial slander and vicious obscenities that literally paralyzed her. She just sat there until he was finished, and when he rode away she pulled over and just covered her face with her hands.

My heart just broke. The woman was terrified and obviously had just made a mistake. My first reaction was to resent this man for his cruelty, and I interestingly saw myself siding with the driver, because she was the one being abused. The man was just being a bully, or a "complain in the ass" as I comically refer to them. I have a real personal trigger around aggression.

Then about two minutes later in a different place as I'm stopped at a light, the driver behind me almost slams into me from behind. You can probably guess what happened. Here comes "my own" rage. As I saw it explode within me I also simultaneously saw how afraid and threatened I was, and at that moment I woke up. I flashed to the man on the bike and I completely related to his fear. At that moment I saw his vulnerability, and I laughed as my heart opened up for him in a way it hadn't before. They were "both" victims.

We are "all" vulnerable in some way. This we can trust. When your judging mind kicks in you can break it's momentum with this truth, and you can use these moments as a trigger to send wishes for peace and relief instead.

Imagine everyone as the walking wounded or even as the driving wounded. When that nut cuts you off on the freeway, try to imagine what he must be going through to make him so crazy. It truly "is" possible he just found out his child has cancer or something else tragic just happened.

Compassion doesn't arise instantly because our negative programs are in the way. We have to inspire a compassionate imagination and re-convince ourselves we all deserve it.

The ultimate trust is to remember people need your help. Someone is suffering if they're causing you or others pain. Make it a practice to recognize when you're being critical of someone, and use that as a trigger to send them wishes for healing and peace. Even if it isn't obvious how someone is suffering, you can trust that they've been shut down by some kind of trauma.

And aside from benefiting others with your tolerance and compassionate efforts, every time you can see your judgment as it is happening and extend a wish for healing instead, you are healing your own mind and cultivating your own happiness as well.

Peace to you,
Bryan

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The 55TH. Trust means you don't believe your pain when you're hurt.

Greetings,

To continue on trust, I apologize for the sleepy-eyed typo in the last inspiration. It was a reference to finding yourself in an argument with a loved one and it was supposed to read:

"You're both just trying to get each other back, and neither of you meant to start it."

This is the heart of what's going on when two people are swept away in defense and attack. We get convinced unconsciously by our feelings that we've been wounded, and they're so strong we lose sight of our trust in the other person. It's almost uncanny how in those moments we believe this defensiveness over the confidence and trust we have for people.

Our critical programs get triggered, and before you know it you've got some crazy stories going on about how they never liked you to begin with, or the whole relationship has been a sham because you were just being used. If you're aware of this while it's happening it's fascinating to watch, and you can see these thoughts as programs instead of just believing them.

Trust means you give someone the benefit of the doubt. You challenge your wounded feelings and then communicate. It "makes sense" to assume your negative assumptions are wrong and find out the truth. Most conflicts just disappear this way and you often become closer as well.

And of course every once in a while people can't be trusted. They get possessed by their shadow and act out but it is the exception to the rule.

It's important not to lose sight of the amazing amount of safety we have. Very difficult things happen once in a while to everyone, but it's really only very few moments of our lives.

A little fear can make a lot of sense, but our level of caution has to be in line with how often something happens, and not an exaggerated view. It's crazy how one cruel person can get up our defenses and we end up treating the whole world as if it's a mean place. We have to watch our perspectives and keep them balanced. Almost everything happening in the news will never happen to you. If you stay sensible about your fearful notions your overall viewpoint will change to a more peaceful one.

The bottom line is that whatever happens, you can trust you'll be able to handle it "then". We don't need to ruin today's peace by premeditating every negative possibility. There is only one thing you're not going to be able to handle, and it's extremely unlikely it is going to happen to you today.

Remaining Peaceful and trusting life always makes sense, so we should just start choosing it more often instead of having to prove it to ourselves all of the time.

Peace to you,
Bryan


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The 54TH. Neither of you meant to start it.

Greetings,

This insight arose during a couple's session, and it's a poignant and profound truth that can change everything. It really gets to the core of most relationship issues.

If you ever find yourself in the middle of an argument with your loved one, just remember;

"You're both just trying to get each other back, and neither of you meant to start it."

They love you. You love them. Challenge yourself. Catch yourself make the mistake of distrusting the person you love. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Forgive them instantly. Just start asking questions and figure out why things were said and done. It's so rarely the case that they wanted to hurt you. They deserve your trust "first".

What was a battle zone has now become a puzzle and no one is being blamed any longer. You're shadow just sighs as it gives you back the "conscious control" of your life.

Peace to you,
Bryan

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The 52nd. Quotes to Ponder.

Greetings,
Points to ponder:

We can be happy, sad, lonely, content, feel safe and afraid at the same time. We can only think of one feeling at a time but we can feel them all at once.

Pretty much everything we think about the future is an assumption. We can't predict it but we habitually try anyway. So if you're going to make up a story about it, at least make up one that feels good. You could also just live presently and peacefully in the unknown, but don't expect to much of yourself at first. That's next!

Sometimes I just feel like screaming at people," Smile !!! ". I think it's hysterical my shadow wants to punish people for not being kind.

If people are caught in judgment and attack you, you can trust they are much more critical of themselves and they must be pretty miserable. This isn't something we want to be happy about. It just helps take the sting away when you realize that they're suffering and need help.

It's unfortunate but relieving at the same time, that almost everyone has a part of themselves that is as afraid of you as you are of them.

It's like there's a committee in my head, and when something happens to me, each member has their own opinion about how I should be feeling.

The big truth is that everyone makes mistakes but very few of us mean to hurt others.

If you could let go of the complaints you have about yourself, you might be so happy you won't feel much like complaining about anyone else.

It can be so difficult to let our complaints about other people go, but it could ultimately mean you'll receive more compassion from others as a result of it.

Life is so much simpler if we don't take things so personally. People get overwhelmed and just do things that don't need to mean so much.

When you believe your hurt feelings because of what a loved one has said, you're distrusting their love for you. Do they really deserve it?
Peace to you,
Bryan

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The 51st. Awareness, mindfulness and being rewarded for courage.

Greetings,

It seems there might be a natural order to things where we are rewarded for the steps of courage we take. Not because we've gotten someone's approval, but because when we make a more conscious or loving choice it brings with it a whole new paradigm with all new possibilities.

The theory is that our situations will not only look different, but that they will actually play out differently because you are now consciously resonating with a more beneficial state of consciousness. It's like going through a consciousness wormhole and moving to a more evolved parallel reality because of your intention.

When we change our level of spiritual integrity and push ourselves past our old, negative, self-centered programs we get an energetic lift that seems to bring a little more divine energy and grace into our lives.

When you make the choice to stop complaining, you deny the shadow and are making a worthy change. You're gonna help the world be a kinder and more positive place, but the transformation that you go through to be able to free yourself from the control of the critical mind and stop complaining is huge! The change will be "universal" for you instead of just making you a less complaining person to talk to. When you make a more loving attempt at life it seems to get friendlier and the positive impact you have on the world will be more significant than you can imagine.

This is just a story but it's also my experience. The more we let go of trying to control life and show up with a commitment to bring our heart to every moment, the more magical and wonderful everything gets. As Eckhart Tolle says, "Life just seems to get friendlier when you shift into the present and stop complaining". I added the "complaining" part but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't complain about it. LOL

Awareness and mindfulness. Let's continue to practice waking up and create our peace. Stay aware of your focus and keep bringing it back to acceptance and trust. Nurture and protect your intention to by staying conscious in your observer. Take the time to empower your self-awareness.

Be vigilant and keep it present. Sustain a positive attitude and when you can, don't allow yourself to linger in life's dramas. So much of what the complaining mind is focused isn't in your best interest. To take yourself into a painful, critical space about something far away and out of your control is potentially keeping you from changing. We don't want to be ignorant or in denial, but we also don't want to lose our conscious priorities. We need to put our attention where it is the going to be most effective which is into our own consciousness.

Bring the focus back to yourself and keep your attention on finding peace and expressing love. You can really help our world, but you also might just have a much better time while your here.

Wishes for peace to you,
Bryan

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The 50th. Trust and giving the benefit of the doubt.

...

Greetings,

For those of you just joining, there are now 50 inspirations available for your reading pleasure, and I'd like to mention how much I appreciate the attention and encouragement I've received up to now. The response has been so moving and it's very meaningful for me to be connected to such a sincere and amazing group of people.

Today I'm inspired to share what has empowered me to let go of my self-created suffering more than anything. It would thrill me if it inspired you as deeply as it did myself.

The premise is that when you feel hurt, unloved or offended by someone you love... when you "believe" your hurt feelings, it denies the trust you supposedly have for these people you are close to. It's a common notion that the people you are close to are the people you can trust.

What we don't realize is that our anger or hurt is based on an unconscious assumption that someone wants to cause you pain. This hidden idea or interpretation isn't true most of the time and this judgment is an offense to their integrity.

It's like we get temporary amnesia. The people we know and trust deserve the benefit of the doubt. Our first reaction logically should be that they just made a senseless mistake and not that they tried to hurt us and deserve to be punished. We also to need trust they will likely be willing to try to work things out. Both these truths would keep us peaceful and in our hearts instead of getting into our defenses.

From my experience it is almost always true that our pains and hurt feelings are because we have misunderstood someone's intentions. The tragedy is that we've usually already hurt or insulted these people with our feelings or anger before we have taken the time to figure out they didn't deserve it.

"The big truth is that everyone makes mistakes and very few of us mean to hurt others."

A typical scenario is that your friend or partner forgets your birthday, is late, or forgets something concerning you. If this means to you that they don't care about you or love you enough to remember, you're going to feel hurt. If it means they just got busy or forgetful, you might still be disappointed or annoyed but you won't be hurt. This can save you from enormous amounts of conflict in your relationships. Doubt your suspicions, not the person you love.

The practice is to ALWAYS doubt your upset, and question the negative meaning you give to whatever was just said or what happened. If you do you will be pleasantly surprised to confirm that most people really do care about you and want you to be happy. You will also have once again diffused the grief and damage that can be caused by the negative assumptions of our complaining, critical and condemning mind.

Wishing you a peaceful and trusting day,
Bryan

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The 49th. More tweachings.

Greetings,
Today's inspiration is a small collection of insights from the week I wanted to share...
If we are complaining about the complainers we're missing the point. Anytime we give into a feeling that needs to make something bad, we've lost. We can dislike it without punishing it. It's an energetic difference.

We can just see them as not good enough. Even something intolerable can just be changed or walked away from, without all the drama of the complaining critical and condemning mind.
Try asking the person you are speaking with a question about themselves. It sounds absurd to make this a point, but one of the first thing that goes away when we get caught by our complaining mind seems to be our interest in others.

Give everyone including your self a break today. Life's hard. We're all really trying our best no matter what the complaining mind has to say.

I'm so aware of the inner critic from this work. Almost everyone is struggling with this craziness. When will we finally stop believing it?

We don't "say yes" to our complaining stories by believing them, we accept the story as meaningless and say yes to what really is. It's much friendlier.

Just "say yes" to end your resistance. Stop the struggle. If it's happening you might as well embrace it. This doesn't diminish your power, it just helps you see and admit what your next step is without making it much of a problem.

When we complain, we "feel, resist and then find a way to make it wrong". When we share our troubles in a conscious way, we "feel, allow, and then describe our situation with empathy, compassion and best wishes for everyone.

It seems crazy, but how a feeling "feels" is actually beside the point. What's important is whether or not it makes sense or not.

Sometimes you can't get through to people. Most issues are just one big misunderstanding, and your patience is a gift to the relationship.

The value of anger is the part that warns you that there is something you want to question, change or stop or walk away from. The part that wants to punish and attack back needs to be tempered, but the part that wants to protect you from being hurt again makes sense.

Wishing you a weekend filled with endless acknowledgment of all the things you have to be grateful about. Happiness is an attitude as well as a feeling.

Peace to you,
Bryan


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The 48th. How to create happiness.

Greetings,

As we shift from being controlled by our complaining critical programs, we get to create more of what "feels good" in our life, but we have to know specifically what we want. What are the "good feelings" we'd like to have and where do they come from?

My experience shows me that people feel good when they're experiencing, expressing or demonstrating love. Not because it makes God happy like many of us were taught, but because the acts of wisdom and love themselves intelligently cultivate a healthy mind, heart and connections with others. So when we demonstrate or receive love, compassion, or support, what do we end up feeling?

It's important for us to know specifically so we can include "the idea" of these feelings in our consciousness. Happiness is very vague so to break it down for myself; happiness is a loving and wise frame of mind that includes many different loving and healthy points of view about self and others. In my opinion there are many good feelings that can inspire happiness, but interestingly we aren't very good at identifying what they are.

If I were to ask you what are the good feelings you like, the common response I get is happiness, joy and orgasm. After that, most people run out of things to say.

If I ask you to describe unhappiness, or feelings you don't like, it would probably be easier. You'd say fear, worry, loneliness, boredom, sadness, pain, anger, impatience, frustration, disappointment, etc...They would be right there in the front of your consciousness because we focus on them and talk about them all the time. We typically don't speak about good feelings in detail to ourselves or to each other, and to change we have to "think" about them as well as include them in our conversations.

I have a very dear friend Shey who spent a week with me recently. She would come out sleepy eyed in the morning and her spirit just pours out with such a beautiful "good morning". It's worth its weight in gold to me. I never get over it and it leaves me smiling many times a day. She also has this very powerful conscious and unconscious habit of stopping and framing the moment, which is a powerful practice.

For instance; She will be sitting there with her cup of coffee, looking out at the flowers and all cuddled up on the couch in a blanket, when all of a sudden she will say, "How nice it is to be sitting here, in such a beautiful place with my dear friend Bryan who I love so much, drinking this warm and amazing cup of coffee." You can see why I'm sad when she leaves.

This caught me by surprise because I had never heard anyone announce out loud a story reflecting the present moment as if it were an entry in a journal or a tweet and she does it in a very playful and self-entertaining way. It made me giggle. I could see it brought her a lot of pleasure and it also grounded in her wisdom to ward off her inner critic, and her story was like a shield of appreciation to keep the possible complaints away.

It was deeply inspiring, effective and fun. It was like being in a musical when all of a sudden one of the characters decides to break out in song, except she was just breaking out into gratitude and appreciation. It's a perfect example of how we need stop and consciously re-frame our world to create good feelings.

We are programmed to frame things in a "news report" kind" of focus. We ask ourselves, "What's wrong, and how it could possibly get worse? This needs to be changed and these proclamations of "the joy of the moment" are a beautiful and intentional act of happiness to make that happen. We need to seek our contentment, inspire it and talk it into existence.

Words of affection, acknowledgment, praise, recognition, complements, acceptance, acknowledgment, humor, support, encouragement, optimism, trust, and are all happiness creators when either given or received.

You will feel; appreciated, respected, loved, safe, worthy, trusted, adequate, meaningful, content, admired, valued, peaceful, connected, grateful, supported, and cared for. And again it's so simple: Giving and receiving love is the answer.

It's been scientifically proven that these positive words and their feelings not only feel good, but are beneficial to the health and evolution of everyone. http://dld.bz/Iam. (The movie)

This is the wisdom we need to remember and practice assertively to make a difference. Please infuse this insight into every point of view you have about yourself until you successfully see yourself as a good enough mother, family member, employee, creator, partner, lover. You need to honor your strengths and forgive your shortcomings, and every self-reference point, as well as every perspective of other people has to be turned into a loving view. It just takes practice, encouragement and guidance and it's here.

As complaints arise they are now your beautiful guides that show you all your critical perspectives that you get to heal. Be excited about them! They can lead you to freedom.

Take a break to day to see yourself with love in whatever roles you play. Frame yourself with the acknowledgment and appreciation you deserve. With practice you can become your own best friend.

Love and gratitude to you,
Bryan

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The 47th. Another reason to meditate and my tweets.

Hello!

This weekend is possibly yet "another" opportunity to start or better your meditation practice.

Here is a one giant reason why...

It develops the ability for you to be able to take your attention off one thing and intentionally put it on another. This is a highly missed benefit of meditation, and it's what allows you to put the wisdom you have into practice to make a change.

It means the difference between being able to move away from something emotionally and mentally, or staying stuck in it as long as "it" chooses. This is one of our biggest problems. We are so easily pulled away out of our observer into our programming. If you want to turn away from your complaining, critical mind and you can't MOVE ON because you are unable to keep your attention out of your old stories, you will just get pulled right back in.

You have to strengthen your ability to stay in your observer and this is what you do in meditation; Developing the strength and discipline to re-direct your attention. It's indescribably powerful and it is really a true "answer".

If you could choose how long you want to think about a certain thing, instead of the thoughts hanging around and torturing as long as they want, you'd have a great chance at happiness. This is one of the most amazing gifts that a meditation practice can bring you. The results can be amazing, and the more you practice the better it gets.

"The most important experience of my life was learning to meditate"- Deepak Chopra. For detailed meditation guidance: http://dld.bz/Meditate.

Here are my tweets from last week:

Many times we don't have enough information to know how to feel but we believe our feelings anyway. This doesn't seem like a very good idea.

Take 5 minutes to let any critical judgment of the week go. Breathe it out. It was good enough regardless of what your complaining thinks.

When I start to have an opinion l I laugh. I can't see the big picture and I don't know most things. I prefer having an "idea" about it all.

Mindfulness is to have a mind "full" of awareness, not full of our opinions about things. The fewer opinions we have the more present we are.

Can you take 5 minutes to stop and breath? Relax. Look at where you are resisting today, let it go and start over again with more acceptance.

The movie 'I AM" can be life changing! Profound, brilliant, entertaining, full of amazing spiritual/scientific truths. http://iamthemovie.com/

Gratitude, appreciation, wonder, humor, curiosity, admiration. There are so many better things to do with our attention other than complain.

Our negative self-judgment is what we really need to let go of. Everyone has issues, so give yourself a break. Relax. You're doing good enough.

Wishing you a present and peaceful weekend,
Bryan

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The 46th. We're better off without our opinions.

Greetings,

Did you ever stop to think that your complaints and criticisms are just your opinion?

We don't usually think of them like this, but in a way we unconsciously accept them like truth, because they "feel" so real when we get caught up in them. If we'd remember our complaints are just unhealthy "ideas or points of view" of our complaining mind, we see their weakness. The insight is for us to see our self-criticism and overall complaints as the "toxic opinions" of our shadow, and not the truth.

Here's an experiment if you are willing...

Stop right now for one minute, and list the first three complaints that come to mind. I'm sure they are in there somewhere. Write them down please, or at least remember them word for word.

Now ask yourself, "What part of my complaint is only my opinion?" In other words," Is it an absolute fact, or is it just the way you are deciding to look at it?"

"The traffic is bad. The weather is great. The day was lousy. Work didn't go well. That movie was a waste. I shouldn't be tired. I'm irresponsible because I was late. I'm bad because I didn't go to the gym and I'll never be able to change."

How much fact is in those statements? Zero. All these complaints are just a commentary, and all but "one" came from the shadow. - The observer here was able to squeak in "one" moment" of gratitude for the weather between all the complaining. ;)

So what's real? The traffic "just is". The weather is "just sunny". Your work "just went the way it did". The movie "just was". Your "simply tired", "simply late", "simply didn't make the gym", and who the heck knows what will happen in the future? From a positive, non-complaining attitude it all "just happened", and now you get to respond.

Life would be so much easier and more enjoyable with out so many of our opinions. In truth it's not so much the opinions we have that cause the problems, but how we use them. I am so over mine I just laugh when I start to have one. Seriously! They're interesting sometimes to listen to, but that part of me that just randomly generates comments on everything all day long, seems to be fairly crazy. LOL Most often it's the voice of my complaining, critical and condemning mind and not the loving voice of my observer. So as I have come to quiet that voice, I have gained a lot peace. (meditation works!) http://dld.bz/Meditate

In fact, opinions in general can be trouble makers and I find it better to have as few of them as possible. A lot of peace comes to those who don't unnecessarily put their attention on upsetting things. We need them to make decisions but the rest of the time do they really matter? It's an interesting question to ask yourself as you watch yourself have them.

And when it comes to sharing your opinions with others, unless you know you have a trust between you that allows you to disagree happily, you're taking a risk. People's shadows make them feel the need to defend themselves and it can be more trouble than it's worth.

The ultimate goal is to just show up, hold your ideas lightly, experience and respond. Valid opinions presented kindly and openly are an important part of life, but if we're not intentional and conscious about them, they become just another style of speaking and thinking that gives our shadow more opportunity to complain.

At least hold your opinions lightly. Be open and willing for your wisdom to expand beyond them. A beautiful peace can come from relaxing into this kind of open and defenseless attitude.

So please be on the lookout for your opinions! The forecast for today includes a lot of them!

Peace to you,
Bryan

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The 45th. A crtique on the must see movie, "I AM" by Tom Shadyac.

Greetings,

Are you ready for a profound and amazing experience? I highly suggest you see the movie, "I Am". It's so brilliant and full of insight and wisdom.

This film takes what we've been working with in KnowComplaints and frames our intention and path in a way that profoundly supports the significance of what we're doing. It is a beautiful movie, supported by extremely well presented evidence in a very non-exaggerated way. It's also very clever and entertaining as it was produced by Tom Shadyac who produced Ace Ventura.

It will fuel your passion to continue to free yourself from the complaining, critical and condemning mind, not just for just yourself but also for the health and welfare of all of mankind. It proves our transformation and change on a personal level literally impacts everyone and everything.

The movie challenges our negative, materialistic and self-concerned programming as the ultimate problem of mankind. It also highly stresses that every word you utter to others or to yourself affects everything energetically and physically, and your emotions literally affect physical reality as well. They even proved yogurt measurably responds to your moods and this information is presented with solid evidence without taking the implications too far.

The answer to fixing life that they came up with, once again points to changing your mind and taking control of what you think and why you think it. We have to create a healthy, positive internal state that allows us to access a wiser consciousness within us that will guide us through our current problems.

Positive states, more profoundly than ever prove to affect human health and even global conditions. The movie very carefully shares only information backed up by numerous long-standing studies, and again applies the scope of their meaning sensibly.

It also proves that rather than having a primal aggressive nature to kill and conquer, true history shows an opposite nature toward community and compassion. It's encoded in our DNA and we are genetically wired to be loving creatures even for evolutionary reasons. In Darwin's writings the scientists fail to mention that Darwin used the the word competition only twice in describing evolution, and used the word love 95 times. It's our hearts they claim that guides our evolution, with a wisdom and intelligence that is even explained physically.

They have even proven that there is Compassion, love, and happiness are natural when we stop allowing our complaining programming to talk us out of these things, or make us feel differently than this on a regular basis.

We experience a connection with everyone and everything when we aren't being blinded by our critical shadow. The images and subject matter in this film guide you into experiencing our human connectedness, and proves it scientifically and physically exists far beyond what we imagined. And because of this, we need to actively challenge how we think to heal ourselves and our world.

This movie wonderfully affirms how our conscious intention and practice to end complaining is spot on, not only to heal and transform yourself but to significantly impact everyone else as well. The lack of separation between us makes our own individual breakthroughs a contribution to the whole, and our own growth even increases the potential for others to do the same.

Enjoy the film and thank you for what you bring to the world with your intentions.

I Am, is available on DVD and also through Netflix. Here is a link to the official site. http://iamthemovie.com/

Peace to you,
Bryan

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The 44th. How to tactfully shift a complaining conversation.

reetings,
Well, this might not be the "single" most effective way to stop someone from complaining, but it's a very loving effective strategy with a big gift attached to it. You not only change the course of the conversation, you get to inspire someone's heart and create an opportunity for deep connecting.

Imagine while chatting with a friend you wake up and realize your conversation has turned into what I endearingly call a complaint fest. Your friend is stuck in resistance, lost in story about how bad everything is and really into sharing it with you.

You want to change this for yourself, but you also know how bad it feels to be distressed and "believing it", so you want to bring relief.

Here's the solution: "Care but don't feed the drama."

The trick is don't ask questions and don't ask for details. To keep asking them for more information seems caring, but it just gives them more opportunity to stay stuck. The idea is to not encourage more negative opinion, and instead bring to them what they are really wanting which is comfort, care and connection.
It's really amazingly effective and simple, but of course the trick is to remember it. The biggest obstacle to our growth is remembering what we already know at the right time in the right moment. This is why meditation and increasing your levels of observing awareness are important. If you can keep your mind "full" of the practices and intentions you have, you will change. But you have to be mindful enough to "catch" the moments to be able to apply what you've learned.

So instead of asking Pat to describe the accident, simply wish him or her peace and healing. We are trained by our media to want the details, but it doesn't serve us and it doesn't help them. Most of them would be fearful assumptions and opinions.

When someone is complaining because their house hasn't sold, tell them you're sorry it's a difficult time and remind them it's possible.
When someone is complaining about a bad relationship, acknowledge how hard it must be for him or her and wish them peace.
If someone is complaining about someone else, empathize and then wish them patience and freedom. When you feel you've been sufficiently compassionate, change the subject.

"Listen, empathize, don't ask for details, offer a positive twist, and take their attention elsewhere."

This is a beautiful strategy and it works like magic. You are inviting them into a place of acceptance; with loving support; and encouraging them to move forward in just a quick couple sentences. And as always, you might need to "repeat as necessary."
So our practice is to be on the constant alert for the complaining mind but not just within ourselves. Every conversation is "your" teacher, and an opportunity to for your own growth, but also a chance to teach and offer some relief and wisdom to the people who are lucky enough to come in contact with someone as committed to living and loving consciously as you are.
With gratitude and wishing you peace,
Bryan

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The 43.5 KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Hello again,

In addition, " If something isn't wrong then what is it? "

We either like it or we don't.
We want it or we don't.
We agree with or we don't.

It's what we'd do or what we wouldn't do. It's good enough or needs to be changed, skillful or unskillful, supportive or not, interesting or not, correct or incorrect, legal or not legal, appropriate or inappropriate, accurate or inaccurate. It works or it doesn't work or it's in or it's out. There are many conscious and kind ways to point out what we don't like, want, agree with or approve of.

Imagine if in a baseball game the umpire yells "WRONG" when someone hits a foul ball? Can you feel the point?

Best wishes to you,
Bryan

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The 43rd KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Welcome and greetings,

Well we've been at this here for four months now and I hope your efforts to break through the habits of complaining and criticizing are paying off and you're seeing changes. Hopefully new styles of conversations with yourself and others are taking place and your talking about life from a non-complaining perspective.

And very simply put: A non-complaining perspective is one that stops making things wrong. You might not like something, not want it, not like that it happened or might happen again, but when we make things wrong we are engaging in a condemning, blaming and punishing attitude.

This path cultivates a different relationship with what we don't like or approve of. It is to walk away or protect us against it but not to condemn it. The need to punish, take revenge, or make someone suffer to me has no place in a conscious world.

To avoid engaging the old punishing attitudes, it's a great shift to see things as skillful or unskillful, instead of right or wrong. We can have the same values and opinions without taking our heart or compassion out of the equation. We can disagree and still have compassion. No one needs to be punished any longer and that includes "you". It's the unconsciousness that needs to be eliminated, not the people experiencing it or who are victims to it.

So our practice is to try to stop making things wrong and see them as "unskillful ways". Stop making people wrong and see them as victims who need help, and stop making yourself wrong and see yourself as a victim as well. You are only as capable and conscious as you are, and we need to have compassion for ourselves as we grow.

Making things wrong is the access point for our shadow. If we take it away, the shadow doesn't really have any reason to express itself or doesn't have much to do!

This is a huge shift in perception so have patience with yourself as you explore it. It's also a concept we need to apply to our conversations. If you're having a conversation with someone and you're not making anything wrong, you're also not complaining.

Just a tease: The next inspiration includes the single most effective way to stop someone else from complaining to you in a conversation. :)

Peace to you,

Bryan

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The 42nd KnowComplaints Inspiration

Greetings,

Give yourself that time today to re-center and renew your view. We need to keep talking ourselves into the right perspectives until we compulsively live from love, trust, appreciation and gratitude.

Here are some new tweets to ponder:

Are you watching your mind today to see if it's treating you kindly? Sometimes it needs a reminder to pay attention to how amazing you are.

Here's a laser-like way to get past yourself when necessary. Just act like you would if you felt the way you wanted to, and step forward.

When you are trying to sleep, find three comforting words to repeat in your mind that bring you peace, and keep gently coming back to them.

Be a your own true friend. Don't let any self-criticism get by you without overwhelming it with the self-love and compassion you deserve.

Try to step into this evening as if today was a week ago. Be present with whomever or whatever you're with and enjoy the "life" of tonight.

Where do we go in our conversations with others? Do you steer the conversation toward positive things and talk about what feels good?

Practice today being generous with your patience. Give everybody just a little "extra room" and see your patience as a gift and a kindness.

Taking 5 or10 minutes to intentionally cultivate a trusting and grateful view of your day would be a dramatically beneficial daily practice.

Who and what are your challenges this next week and how can you respond in a more heartfelt way than you may have in the past?

Best wishes to you for peace,
Bryan

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The 41st KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Greetings,

Part of the difficulty with ending complaining is even though we might get better at keeping our minds in a positive place, other people aren't thinking about it. And as you become more aware of how your own negativity leaks into your conversations, other people's critical habits become extremely obvious.

When we share our lives with each other it of course needs to include the difficult parts for it to be authentic and complete. The idea with balanced healthy conversation, is when we do share the hard things in our lives we share them with a certain consciousness around them. We pay attention to how we frame the experience.

We don't blame people, we don't take it over-personally, we don't make a bunch of assumptions, we keep it present moment, we don't blame or attack anyone, we don't say it shouldn't be happening, we don't exaggerate or dramatize, and we can always wrap it up with the silver lining and potentially good outcomes. This is very different than the normal way we talk about things and it incorporates these concepts I've written about and hopefully you are starting to practice.

Staying present: Not letting your complaining mind turn the present moment into the lie of hopelessness or despair.

Not blaming or attacking: Having compassion for people's shortcomings and realizing people are victims to their own pain, programming and unconsciousness.

No resistance: Accepting what is and choosing peace even if we don't like or approve of what is happening.

No negative assumptions: Leaving the unknown as it is and not filling in the blanks with fear, distrust or suspicion.

Here's an example; Let's say you've had significant flu symptoms for a couple days. This is how my old conversation might have gone or at least what would have gone on in my head. I might not have been this bad but I was close. I DO know people that talk this way though and to some degree it's normal.

"I've been sick and Oh My God it's been terrible! I can't believe this is happening to me. They don't know what it is. It's awful and it's so bad it could turn out to be even more horrible. It's the worst thing I've ever had. It really sucks. Why does this have to happen to me all the time? I am so tired of this. Someone probably gave this to me. I bet it was that stupid clerk at the store who was coughing. I can't believe people work when they're sick. They're so selfish. And there I was there buying more junk food! Maybe I got sick because I eat so much junk food. I still can't believe this happened. What's wrong with my life? I must deserve this."

So in contrast, here is a healthy way of thinking and speaking about the situation:

"I've been sick the last few days. It's been hard and pretty uncomfortable but I'm doing well with it. I've done what I can and I'm just waiting for it to change. Just another one of those things ya know? One damn thing after another! LOL. Life happens. It's not very convenient right now and complicates things but I just have to deal with it. These things usually clear up quickly and it's a good time for me to rest. It's also a good time to practice just being present and making the best out of it. Another good chance to NOT go into story land. Thank God I don't torture myself anymore. I use to go so crazy when I got this sick. Anyway, I'm sure something important is going to come of this whole experience. You know how the timing of everything changes everything? Of course I wish I felt better, but at least I have my friends to be there for me."

This is an example of how we can think and speak. We're on our way there, and with practice this healthier way of framing life can be what you do naturally. But even after we change, what do we do when other people want to take us down that old road of drama, disaster and despair? How do we keep a "stop and chat" from becoming a "drop and splat"?!? How do we prevent people from taking us to back into the old craziness, destroying our peace, and how do we help them see what they are doing to us and to themselves? Hint: Very carefully! :) More to come...

Please take a mindfulness or meditation break today. Even just take a rest to relax and breathe. It is so simple and so beneficial.

Peace to you,
Bryan

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The 40th KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Greetings!

A dear friend of mine Maxine, once reflected back to me a personal blind spot that taught me a very valuable wisdom.

While catching up with her one day, I was telling her about a friend of mine she knew, who had become pretty unreliable and stood me up a couple of times. I had tried to work things out by asking him to be more considerate but it wasn't working, and at this point I had decided I should just disappear from the friendship.

Although I was pretty disappointed in this situation, I thought had managed to not take it too personally. I felt I had successfully kept my complaining, critical, condemning mind from creating a lot of drama and I wasn't even angry. I just felt like walking away and shutting the door and it seemed like I had been pretty skillful. But after I finished my story Maxine seemed a little quiet and I could tell she was feeling a bit uncomfortable about something. When I asked her about it, she hesitated and then said, "but you've taken your love away."

At first I felt defensive because the idea of taking love away is very far from the way I see myself in the world. My conscious intentions are that I want to give love, not take it away... but when I saw what she meant I realized she called it right on. I hadn't attacked him or unleashed on him, but I had shut down and pulled away. I was closing him out of my heart yet I just saw it as calmly walking away.

It was going to be his birthday the next day and I wasn't even planning on calling him. This was a powerful wake up call for me and I am so grateful. I often hear Maxine inviting me, "to never shut anyone out of my heart no matter what". She always encouraged me to remember, "everyone is divine even if they aren't acting like it"!

Well I didn't call my friend on his birthday, but I did send him an email and I even told him to call me if he'll keep his date! It didn't feel authentic to my complaining victimized self, but it felt authentic to my wisdom and my path. The choice was so invigorating because it felt so empowering to my true self.

After I sent the note I found myself experiencing warmer and kinder feelings toward him. It was as if I had broken through my resentment and healed myself by extending myself beyond my shadow. My complaining mind lost its power because I had acted directly against it.

Maxine passed on at 94 years old, but her words continue to push me and will always be a gift. Her memory often invites me to see where I am holding myself back; especially from the people I personally love. It's so easy to shut down when we disagree with anyone and it doesn't have to be that way. We can still have our differences and remain loving, but it's a challenge that takes practice.

Let's focus this week on being generous, and practice extending ourselves to others. Generosity is an essential key to everyone's spiritual growth and happiness in many profound ways.

The practice for Tuesday: Reach out to anyone that you have consciously or unconsciously pulled away from and extend a friendly gesture.

It's also great week to start taking those meditation or mindfulness breaks. Please take the time to breathe, reflect, let go, come back to center, and live the day through the wisdom and heart of your observer.

Peace to you,
Bryan

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The 39th KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Greetings,

Here are some tweets and guides from last week:

Let go of any opinions you have about what happened this week, and relax into the way everything is unfolding. Try being peacefully curious.

Many things could be better, but it's as important to relax into the imperfection of the present moment, as it is to change the future.

Give yourself permission to disbelieve ALL the negative garbage that spews forth from the complaining mind. DON'T LET IT FOOL YOU ANYMORE.

If you want to feel peace and happiness, you have to "think" accepting thoughts and focus on what is good. They aren't going to just happen.

The complaining voice you don't like is not really you, even though it sounds like you. Try to gently turn away from it every time it speaks.

Remember you can change it, accept it or leave it, but to complain about it is to just suffer. Take action or let go, but don't stay stuck.

What a perfect day for some grateful reflection. Take a break and have a conversation with yourself about how admirably you show up in life.

Love rules in mysterious and phenomenal ways, and the power and impact of bringing your heart into this world is immeasurable.

Take the time to rest, reflect and bring the wisdom and acceptance of your observer to your daily experience as a regular practice.

Peace to you,
Bryan

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The 38th KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Greetings,

Don't let the challenge get you down.

Every day takes a new commitment to free ourselves from the negativity that usually control us.

It feels like an ongoing battle. Our culture is so steeped in negative drama it takes a lot of sense to stay calm. It takes that intelligent and mindful observer to be constantly and consistently re-centering you into logic and away from fear.

It's taken your whole life to create the framework from which you see and speak about the world to yourself, and it's going to take some commitment, cleverness, courage, and consistency to change it. Although it takes a massive commitment on your part it's an incredibly worthy effort.

It takes work to be happy and it's easy to be negative and depressed. Our default system is negative and we need to change it to positive. Whenever we lose consciousness we go into negativity because it's what we know best. Right now most of our default systems are fearful and pessimistic.

We want to change it so that your default system is positive. Can you imagine going to bed at night, and you're mind just keeps babbling about how amazing tomorrow is going to be? What if that was your default system? What if when you're alone you fall into creative positive imagination and gratitude, instead of worry?

To what degree this can happen is individual, but from my experience I never imagined it could change so dramatically for the better. It took a lot of time but it worked. I was a total neurotic and negative basket case most my life and things are very different now.

You have to trust this path. Instant gratification is not the marker of success and these new perspectives take time to establish. You are rewriting your script for the future. The feelings you have now are the result of your past, so your future feelings are going to be the result of the present.

Or more accurately, the way you experience your feelings now is what will create how you will experience them in the future. So managing our present moment feelings in a skillful way is setting the stage for this to happen more often and naturally in the future.

It's an investment; but what could be more worthy than an investment that has the potential to enhance every aspect of your life and help you feel better overall about absolutely everything?

Don't believe your discouragement and hang in there. We are doing this together, and from the feedback I am getting this is making a real difference. You are supported by everyone's intention for you. The stories I am receiving are beautiful and you are part of a huge wave of loving and conscious people attempting to shift our world. Thank you so much for being a part of this and for supporting our world with your spirit and heart.

Please continue to take your 5 or 10 minutes today to meditate or check in with yourself and let go of the complaining mind. Gratitude is always an answer and the perfect practice. I am back in the saddle after needing to catch up on life, and there is a lot more to come!

Peace to you!
Bryan

And remember... When you complain kindly you really aren't complaining.

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The 37th KnowComplaints Inspirition.

Greetings,

If we're going to find peace with others we need to have compassionate expectations and allow for mistakes. Especially as we become more skillful in our lives, we have to watch that we don't unconsciously raise the bar for everyone else and get more frustrated.

It's like when a smoker quits they get really reactive to other people's smoking. It's the same with the practice of kindness. If you were to try to be kinder as a practice, all the inconsideration around you will feel 5 times as bad and the critical mind will make everyone around you wrong. It's very important to continue to be forgiving and patient to those less fortunate as we grow. They're less fortunate because they still can't free themselves enough from the complaining, critical and condemning mind to be free to change and they suffer because of it.

My experience says that it doesn't make sense to judge people's intentions by their level of capability. There are not good people and bad people; there are just different kinds of good people. Many are ignorant and driven to do really unconscious things by their shadows, but my belief is they are no less spiritual or loving at their core than anyone else. This is the foundation of compassion and forgiveness.

Peace to you,

Bryan

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The 26th KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Greetings,

Whatever you're a feeling at this moment you can safely bet that there are at least 10,000 people feeling the very same thing as you. There are over 6 billion people and this is very likely true in every moment.

The practice is to remember this in the moments when you get challenged. It's a very quick way to get you out of yourself and expand your view. It keeps you from contracting in on your own personal drama.

Someone in Africa is missing there loved one or being angry with their neighbor. Someone in Iceland just received a cancer diagnosis and someone down the street probably is having a really anxious day as well. A different circumstance and different culture, yet the same kind of body/mind experience. We all face the same kinds of wild and crazy circumstances. This practice brings you back to reality and offers you support.

It also offers you the opportunity to offer others a prayer or wish for relief or support, and in doing so you are emotionally taking care of yourself by shifting your attention to others. It is often much easier to extend your heart compassion and kindness to other people versus yourself.

So take that moment to send a wish for comfort or relief to you and all who are experiencing the same earthly challenge.

If you're stressed touch in with everyone that is anxious and take a breath for them and for yourself. See everyone relaxing in your mind and feeling safer.

If you're in grief touch in with the other people who have lost someone and send them comfort.

If you're lonely send out a wish to others to help bring them relief.

If you're feeling hopeless imagine the people who are facing the same or more difficult struggles, and offer them peace.

Life has its hard moments and of course the complaining critical condemning mind makes it harder. Share your discomfort with the world and move from victim to healer. Step in with your wisdom and extend your heart and compassion to yourself and others. When we're giving the complaining mind doesn't have a chance!

Its another weekend ahead to start a meditation practice. See Inspiration for instructions. http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/newsletter.asp?article=27

For those of you in Palm Springs, please drop tomorrow between 4 and 8 for some wine and cheese, and meet my friend and artist Sherab Khandro. For more info click here: http://dld.bz/April30th-event

Peace to you,
Bryan

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Bryanzerr copyright 2011

The 35th KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Greetings,

Today is about establishing in your head how amazing you've become and how far you have successfully traveled. Let's get happy about it!

"It doesn't make sense to be unhappy about who you are, when today you are who you wanted to be last time you were disappointed in yourself."

To counteract our dissatisfaction, we need to cement in a view of appreciation. We need to put in place a constant conversation with ourselves, assuring us of our greatness no matter what the complaining mind has to say or how it makes you feel.

It's a challenge to balance the desire to be different with self-acceptance in the now. Unfortunately we often turn self-observation and self-inquiry into self-punishment.

This is where the condemning aspect of the complaining mind comes in. It's one thing to recognize you need to change something and another thing to point out how awful you are for being this way, or stupid or worthless or any of the other ridiculous slanders our critical mind throws out at us. You just can't believe it when it speaks to you like this and you're going to have to start practicing admiring yourself. You have to recognize and reaffirm your wonderful qualities as consistently as your complaining mind is habitually defeating you.

Again, it's not like the complaining mind is trying to defeat you and has bad intentions to destroy you. It's just programmed to think self-punishment is what it's going to take to get you to change. We've been trained to motivate ourselves with bad feelings just so we can find relief! Unfortunately it rarely even works and just leaves us miserable.

The goal is a beautiful marriage between present moment satisfaction, and holding a grander vision for the future. Love and patience for your self need to be as much a part of any discipline as making the change itself. Instead of badgering ourselves into growing we can love ourselves and empower ourselves into change.

If we complain about the complaining mind and we condemn the condemning mind, we've lost the game and have been tricked again. Punishing "anything" feeds our shadow, even if it is the shadow itself we are condemning. We have to stay on our hearts. To never hold love back from yourself again would be the most significant contribution you could ever make toward your own evolution.

So lets' do this! We're very good at looking at what what isn't good enough so practice appreciating your worth. Many of the things about you that are so wonderful, valuable and admirable, you are taking for granted.

So today, take time and contemplate the aftermath of the transformation you have already made and celebrate who you've become. Think back and see how you have already woken up. Please make this a another one of your daily practices. It's worth it. The benefits will exponentially outweigh the effort of the 5 or 10 minutes you take.

There is always another day to get better... And if not, it would be a shame for you to be unhappy about who you are, when today you are "who you wanted to be" last time you were disappointed in yourself.

Please take the time to tell a story about how cool you already are. Tell a friend about it. Actually go out today and reward yourself with some pleasure to celebrate yourself. You deserve it!

Peace to you,
Bryan

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Bryanzerr copyright 2011

The 33rd KnowComplaints Inspiration.

Greetings to you!

Here are some of last weeks Twitter Tweets:

Whenever possible I try not to express my anger, even in a kind way. If I'm going to forgive them later why bother them with it before I do?

Life works pretty well and is full of great things if we stop comparing it to our fantasies. Don't let your ideals be the death of reality.

Allow yourself and everyone else to be imperfect. Being human is hard and we can support each other by being less critical and patient.

It makes no sense to say that things would have been better if you'd made a different choice. See today's Inspiration http://dld.bz/noregrets

Try to see things as "good enough" instead of focusing on what didn't happen exactly the way you wanted. It's likely true if think about it.

You can't underestimate the power of taking just 5 or 10 minutes to generate a hopeful outlook. Today is full of great possibilities.

Wish everyone well and remember how challenged most people are. The ones that make us the most crazy are the ones that are the most unhappy.

Every time you complain you reinforce the idea that things are supposed to be happening according to your agenda. So much for that. Let go.

There's a difference between accepting people and approving of them. Try to avoid being critical and accept them in all their craziness.

There is nothing more powerful than just standing in your truth with kindness and conviction. You can be assertive without being aggressive.

Try being kind to others as a practice. You can carry these moments of kind exchange with you throughout the day, and experience happiness.

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Peace to you,

Bryan

bryanzerr copyright 2011

The 31/32nd KnowComplaints Inspiration.

What about our regrets of the past?

Regrets are just one more bad habit of the complaining mind and a big mistake in perception. Re-visiting the past with self-judgment can also be one of those "obsessive loops" the complaining mind can get into. Relentlessly recycling the same futile thinking over and over again and believing the fantasy that things could have or would have turned out for the better. Maybe they would have but maybe they would've been worse.

It's really impossible to know what would have happened if you changed things. You couldn't have changed just one thing and then expect everything else to stay the same. "The whole chain of events" would have been affected by another choice and the timing of everything would have unfolded differently.

If you weren't reading this, you might be on the phone with a friend or doing something else that would impact everything and everyone you come in contact with. The trickle down effect of our actions is enormous and unknowable, and each piece of the puzzle is dependent on the other. This moment only exists the way it does because of everything that happened, even what we saw as mistakes. So in respect for everything and everyone in your life now let's allow and let go of the past. We can't see the bigger picture yet so let's just "trust the mystery".

What seems like an untimely delay might save your life or allow you to meet an important person. It might also change the timing of the day for him or her and win them the lottery. A car accident you are in may bring a police officer safely to you, that otherwise would have been shot answering a call to a robbery. That bankruptcy might lead you to that beautiful loan officer you spend the rest of your life with. A whole universe is unfolding so we have to at least toy with the possibility that you are exactly where you should be and the past unfolded as it needed to. There is nothing you can do about it anyway except to let it go or choose to suffer over it.

We deserve our own compassion and empathy just like everyone else does, and even if there is something you don't want to repeat, it still had some meaning in ways we will never see.

Regret is also based on the delusion that you think you could have been different. If you could have been you would have been, right? It's not a matter of your intention, but of how capable you were back then. It isn't fair to compare your present level of love, or integrity to the past because you weren't as evolved then and you didn't know what you know now. You did your best based on where you were at the time. It's just simple logic that we "always" have to remember every time we feel guilty, ashamed or regretful. We just have to let those feelings go.

For years I regretted contracting HIV and wished I had made a safer choice. But I couldn't have done that because I didn't know it even existed, and "why I didn't" is just the way it was. I've looked back uncountable times and wondered what my life would be like if I hadn't contracted HIV, and even though it seems my life would have been better without AIDS, I seriously doubt that's true.

More than half my lifetime would have been different in every way! Its unimaginable in the true sense of the word, and I wouldn't have wanted to miss this journey that HIV took me on. It's presence has been responsible for so many good things. You and I most likely wouldn't know each other, and I certainly wouldn't be writing this. I was able let go of wishing it were different ages ago because it has been so undeniably profound and rich.

But people say to me," I try to let go of my guilt but I can't". What they mean is they made "a choice" to let go but the feelings of guilt or regret, but they keep coming back. This doesn't mean you haven't let go, it just means the process takes time.

Letting go is a choice to ignore the feelings and voice of your complaining mind. Once you've learned from the past, you commit to not letting your mind take you there any more. It's a discipline we have to learn and practice. Letting go, forgiveness, compassion, kindness are all mental decisions that will cultivate their partner feelings over time, but it takes courage and patience in the process.

So the moral of this story is: Let it go!

To resist the past is pointless.
To regret it doesn't make sense.
To think you could have been better is wrong.
If you could have been better you would have been.
You can't prove things would have turned out better.
If they had been different you may not even be here now.
Learn from the past and be more skillful in the future.
Have compassion for yourself and learn to deny the regret of the critical mind when it speaks up, and replace it with this understanding.

Please take the time to own this deeply and apply it consciously to your memories. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness and best wishes to you for your own self-acceptance. Remember; acceptance is not approval.

Peace and appreciation to you,
Bryan

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Bryanzerr copyright 2011