Greetings,
Part of the difficulty with ending complaining is even though we might get better at keeping our minds in a positive place, other people aren't thinking about it. And as you become more aware of how your own negativity leaks into your conversations, other people's critical habits become extremely obvious.
When we share our lives with each other it of course needs to include the difficult parts for it to be authentic and complete. The idea with balanced healthy conversation, is when we do share the hard things in our lives we share them with a certain consciousness around them. We pay attention to how we frame the experience.
We don't blame people, we don't take it over-personally, we don't make a bunch of assumptions, we keep it present moment, we don't blame or attack anyone, we don't say it shouldn't be happening, we don't exaggerate or dramatize, and we can always wrap it up with the silver lining and potentially good outcomes. This is very different than the normal way we talk about things and it incorporates these concepts I've written about and hopefully you are starting to practice.
Staying present: Not letting your complaining mind turn the present moment into the lie of hopelessness or despair.
Not blaming or attacking: Having compassion for people's shortcomings and realizing people are victims to their own pain, programming and unconsciousness.
No resistance: Accepting what is and choosing peace even if we don't like or approve of what is happening.
No negative assumptions: Leaving the unknown as it is and not filling in the blanks with fear, distrust or suspicion.
Here's an example; Let's say you've had significant flu symptoms for a couple days. This is how my old conversation might have gone or at least what would have gone on in my head. I might not have been this bad but I was close. I DO know people that talk this way though and to some degree it's normal.
"I've been sick and Oh My God it's been terrible! I can't believe this is happening to me. They don't know what it is. It's awful and it's so bad it could turn out to be even more horrible. It's the worst thing I've ever had. It really sucks. Why does this have to happen to me all the time? I am so tired of this. Someone probably gave this to me. I bet it was that stupid clerk at the store who was coughing. I can't believe people work when they're sick. They're so selfish. And there I was there buying more junk food! Maybe I got sick because I eat so much junk food. I still can't believe this happened. What's wrong with my life? I must deserve this."
So in contrast, here is a healthy way of thinking and speaking about the situation:
"I've been sick the last few days. It's been hard and pretty uncomfortable but I'm doing well with it. I've done what I can and I'm just waiting for it to change. Just another one of those things ya know? One damn thing after another! LOL. Life happens. It's not very convenient right now and complicates things but I just have to deal with it. These things usually clear up quickly and it's a good time for me to rest. It's also a good time to practice just being present and making the best out of it. Another good chance to NOT go into story land. Thank God I don't torture myself anymore. I use to go so crazy when I got this sick. Anyway, I'm sure something important is going to come of this whole experience. You know how the timing of everything changes everything? Of course I wish I felt better, but at least I have my friends to be there for me."
This is an example of how we can think and speak. We're on our way there, and with practice this healthier way of framing life can be what you do naturally. But even after we change, what do we do when other people want to take us down that old road of drama, disaster and despair? How do we keep a "stop and chat" from becoming a "drop and splat"?!? How do we prevent people from taking us to back into the old craziness, destroying our peace, and how do we help them see what they are doing to us and to themselves? Hint: Very carefully! :) More to come...
Please take a mindfulness or meditation break today. Even just take a rest to relax and breathe. It is so simple and so beneficial.
Peace to you,
Bryan
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