For those of you just joining us, there are 25 other inspirations you can read at http://bryanzerr.com/newspad/default.asp
Greetings,
Throwing Daggers?
"I watched myself throw daggers at people all day long. Luckily I was able to laugh at myself and beg for release from the madness as it was happening."
Well I hope you appreciate this expose. It still amazes me after all these years how there can be these days when I feel just as much frustration, aggression and hostility as ever; the kind where you really want to explode! I was beside myself with frustration and it felt like it was one damn thing after another.
It was just one of those days. My chemistry was off, or for some unknown reason I felt extra vulnerable and really irritable. It happens and you just have to flow with it and do damage control until it changes.
Often it's just my imagination and my programming, and I know it. The hardest times are when I really AM being mistreated, unfairly treated or victimized in some way. The situations are real, people are really acting like jerks and being rude, and the feelings I have make sense. This is the problem with trying to evolve past our negative instincts. It takes a lot of will and doesn't always feel right.
The way I see it; Love is a choice and not always a feeling, and our decision to act in-line with our wisdom and make skillful choices needs to happen far before we stop feeling the impulses to criticize or take revenge. These choices need to be made over and over again in every situation. Love is choosing not to get someone back when you feel slighted or done wrong. If we are going to change revenge can no longer be an option.
People that appear as jerks and cause chaos are being victimized by their own pain and darkness, that the extent they can't refrain from taking it out on others and often don't even want to stop being mean. They have been so tortured by their inner critic that they can barely keep life together. I know because I've been there, and I also have been blessed to work with enough people to know that this is sadly true. If someone is a unruly, you can only imagine what is going on in their heads.
Even people even just being selfish or inconsiderate and seem normal otherwise, are probably really upset or distressed and for unknown reasons are trapped and incapable of taking care others because of it. Many people spend their whole day feeling miserable, anxious afraid, attacked, guilty, unloved, victimized, or whatever flavor of yuck their critical mind gets away with making them feel. Remembering this inspires a softer approach.
This is where we choose to stop the negative cycle that feeds our world, and stop condemning people that even deserve it. Even though they are in fact responsible for a lot of damage to everything and everyone, from this perspective they can't escape themselves. They don't know they're being controlled by a shadow and they need even more help than we do.
I laughed and had compassion for myself many times yesterday as I thought of things like slamming on the brakes because the person behind me was so close. The story in my head got as far as claiming there was a dog in front me that made me put on the brakes, before I realized it was happening.
When I realized I was lost in space, I just breathed deeply, and sighed at the relief that comes with knowing that these thoughts are just fleeting expressions of a meaningless part of me, that is losing it's power over me every time I wake up to it.
So how we discharge, metabolize or transmute the energy of our frustrations if we aren't complaining, criticizing or condemning? Well just a hint: I played a very intense game of tennis last night that left me feeling much better, and today I feel much more in my heart again.
I've also noticed when I'm too busy to meditate, I get more vulnerable to my complaining mind because I'm not maintaining my level of equanimity, peace, and awareness that is cultivated when rest and practice meditation. See the 12th inspiration for instructions.
Your wisdom and observer need the airtime to keep you on track. Give them a chance to remind you of what you know and how you want to be.
Peace to you,
Bryan
Bryanzerr copyright 2011
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