What if you could face the world as if you were "in love"? What if you treated the moment in front of you as if it were something you cherished? What if you were in love with yourself all the time, no matter what?
When we're in the first throws of love, an uplifting and liberating shift happens that resembles the freedom we're after. Romantic bliss can make you almost illogically accepting of every joy, pain, fear, feeling, thought, person, and every moment of the day. You can't help but see the positive possibilities in every situation and feel a heightened sense of courage and confidence.
The last time I was in love I remember saying to myself, "Dear God, Please let me feel this way when I'm single. If only I could feel this way all the time!". When the chemistry of love strikes, I think we're more in love with who we are when we're with them, than the other person.
Besides, when you first meet someone it really isn't about them, right? Most of the experience in the beginning is fantasy and projection, yet it's so cathartic and powerful. I have a great card I made and on the front of it, it says, "You are the love of my life", and then when you open it up it says, "Because I don't know you yet and I can still make it all up."
So if we really do make it up when we get triggered by another, then we really don't need anyone else to feel this way, right? lol.
The point is, that when love happens a brilliant self-view occurs. Our unconscious is conditioned to give love powerful meaning. It means things like; I'm loved, accepted, attractive, worthy, valuable etc. The truths that release us from our self-doubt and we need to remember these all the time. When our complaining programs quiet because of our new romance we see them so easily.
A romantic idealism kicks in that lubricates your whole experience. We feel rewarded and aligned with life. Things are easier, more tolerable, and you find yourself sliding past the your complaints as you feel more compassionate and allowing. There is also a certain cherishing quality to falling in love that lets us extend ourselves more generously. We take the extra step, give more attention and show up more fully.
All of this, and the happiness that goes with it are what we are striving to experience on a daily basis. It's a perfect metaphor. So let's imagine it and use it as a practice.
Yesterday I had an opportunity to spontaneously try this on. There is an example below, but here are the steps:
1) Approach the situation as if you feel like everything is right with the world. What would you do if you were optimistic, powerful, compassionate and generous?
2) Look at the situation and people involved as if you cherish them and love them immensely. What are your choices now? How can you support them?
3) Let your self-doubts go. Imagine yourself with the confidence and trust you need to take the step in front of you.
4) Imagine you will still be loved by yourself and others no matter what happens next.
Yesterday my chance to try this out for myself. There is a side of my house that has needed raking for a while, and I avoid it because it means I have to trim a few small Bougainvillea Vines. If you don't know these plants, these vines are beautiful but tragic. They have these gorgeous, vibrant, pink paper-like leaves as flowers and the branches have the most deadly 1/2" to 1" thorns you've ever seen. They look like rose thorns on steroids.
I was already hot and tired, but I found myself jump right in and start raking. It was going quite well until the first thorn attacked. Right through my glove and into the tip of my thumb. Ouch! Pain!
I took a breath, and actually got through the moment without much story about how this shouldn't have happened. That's my usual approach, but then I also remembered this practice. Opportunities open up when you stop your stories. I was thrilled to have this chance to try "feeling in love" so spontaneously.
So here I was; in pretty bad pain, HOT, exhausted, intensely dirty and sweaty, when I asked myself, "What If I were in love with this moment?"
My first reaction to myself was literally, "shut the #!&!$% up", and then I just breathed. When the thought looped back around the second time I caught it with more composure. What happened was profound and interesting;
I found myself first of all realizing that I wasn't present. I was just trying to get through a messy, uncomfortable task. If I were in love with it, I would want to relish each moment. I didn't take it "that" far, but I did settle in. I also realized I probably wouldn't have been attacked by the thorn, if I had been more present and more mindfully approaching it.
I was getting the debris raked up but I wasn't really caring for it the way I would. I remember spending 20 minutes just making sure a romantic phone message was perfect. Now I could see it differently, and I not only removed the debris but made sure the rake lines left in the gravel were stylish.
And now that I was more relaxed and into this, I thought I should call my neighbor and tell her that I made more work for her gardeners with my leaves. I wanted to warn her because I thought she never would see it, but as it turns out she looks at this side yard through a window constantly and I had no idea. I didn't realize that the mountains are behind me when she looks in my direction, and it meant she was going to get a lot of joy out of my effort.
I felt more compassionate toward the plants and was hating them less for causing me pain. I was making peace with the Bougainvillea and admiring the beautiful flowers and even the thorns. And even though I was hurting, it was all feeling really good until...
I backed up onto one of those perfect creations of God, and it went right up through my shoe and into my #$@%^& foot! Or is it the #$@&%^ creation of God, went into my foot!
At this point, being in love with this amount of pain seemed ludicrous and I just walked away. Comically similar to a relationship I remember.
So here is sit, immobilized by my situation as my extremely painful foot is trying to mock my attempts at love. But I keep trying to let my complaints go and I'm feeling pretty peaceful.
At the same time, even though we can take difficult situations and turn them into teachers, sometimes these people or things aren't who or what we want to repeat. HIV has been a wild ride and an impressive teacher, but I would have chosen something a little threatening and more fun. I am feeling the same way about the Bougainvillea.
So I tried to break the news gently. I'm not sure she took it very well, but I tried to explain it's not about either of us personally; It's about how we connect that isn't working for me. lol. I walked away richer for the experience, but I don't plan to ever cut another bougainvillea again if I can help it!
Peace to you,
Bryan
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